I had some wins and losses last week. (Truth be told, the biggest emotional swings in both columns happened on a single day.) So often it seems we mostly talk about the big moments in our lives. The highest highs and lowest lows. Always looking for the next GRAND moment to define our life experience. (Not to dismiss the pessimist who is focused on the next defeat.) So much expectation and pressure.

(photo: tara winstead)

Most weeks (and days) are a mix of emotions and energy, some good and some not so good. Just another week on the calendar. We tend to expect so much, but even the detours may look like yellow brick roads in the rearview mirror.

So last week, I had coffee with a friend who recently recovered from Covid19. She has a medical condition that makes her particularly vulnerable, and yet, she escaped it for more than a year. So, so close. Her medical treatment meant she couldn’t be vaccinated immediately, and the virus attacked right as she became eligible. It was scary, and I’m just as glad I didn’t know until she was on the upswing.

Detour: it could have been devastating, but I’m thankful we sat on her front porch like any other day. And on that day, my friend gave me a beautiful painting, from her own hands and talents. The scene has a special meaning to us, and her gift of the heart truly touched mine.

I had to face a hard truth last week, as a not-for-profit organization I’ve been part of for several years voted to dissolve. The hardest part is the organization has filled a vital need in our community, evolving over the years as needs changed. But some poor decisions over several years combined with a pandemic and other factors out of our control have made it unsustainable. We gave it our best shot, but the bleeding must stop now. People I care about will be hurt.

Did I do everything I could? Will someone else respond to the need? Will we one day find a yellow brick road? What have I learned from this?

I celebrated with friends last week. It was a rollicking good party, with good food and even better champagne. High energy and high spirits were abundant. I wish I could have had another glass of champagne and stayed to dance the night away, but responsible driving got the better of me.

Thinking about the fun I had makes me happy every time it crosses my mind. (Which has been often.)

I stuck my neck out for something I’m excited about, but it’s not falling in place the way I hoped. I’m finding cracks in the plan. Now I’m worried. Have I sabotaged something that really matters to me?

I’m disappointed and nervous and hopeful, waiting for next steps.

Update: it’s moving forward, and I’m excited about the possibilities again.

I spent time with my best friend last week and found a deep contentment there. I felt seen and heard in all the parts of myself. I am grateful, always, for that connection, for the love and grace she extends and accepts in return. Our friendship is one of open arms and open hearts.

There’s no substitute for a centering force like that.

Sometimes you take your best shot, or a risk, and it doesn’t work. Sometimes joy is found in unexpected places. You make plans, and things go awry. Some results are worse than others; some are amazing. Sometimes you bounce from happy to nervous to elated to sad to annoyed to content all in one week.

It’s called life. And I’m grateful.