Jacob said I’d find inspiration for another blog soon enough. That boy young man knows me. And he already knew what I was about to find out.

His sister/my daughter and her long-time boyfriend recently got engaged. I’m overjoyed and have been flooded with emotion. He’s a wonderful, special young man, and they are well-matched. Now, after 4.5 years, I have to learn to say her “fiancé.”

What’s prodding me to write, though, is a conversation Rebecca and I had recently. She is so much my daughter as she approaches the combined excitement and stress of wedding planning. I was just shy of 30 when we said our “I do’s,” and I had a professional identity. She is 30 now and does, as well.

Some things are different today, such as there being no question of Adam participating in the planning and all the tasks that come with a wedding. Picking a venue, choosing a photographer, addressing invitations, writing thank you notes – yes, he’s a partner she can count on. Thirty-four years ago, such participation was not a given, but my husband of 33 years had no choice but to participate. It was never in question, at least not in my mind.

And that “obey” in the vows? Goodbye. It’s out for Rebecca as surely as it was for me.

The name change conundrum? Yep, she knows it’s hard to change your name, especially as an established professional. It’s not just the hassle but also the loss of your family name. However, even in 2023, people will assume that she changed it. I struggled with the decision, made the legal name change, but used my maiden name professionally – until she came along, and it was easier for us all to share a surname. Plus, it took a while for my CEO to adjust to my new, more complicated name.

(Just for fun, we have a running joke about the length of Rebecca’s full name. After marriage, she can change to a surname only 2 letters shorter, but with an additional syllable. Hyphenating is not an option with 18 letters involved. At least his name would move her to the first of the alphabet from the letter that always has the longest line.)

Rebecca and I are both natural introverts with some learned extroversion. The thought of being the center of attention is overwhelming. Bachelorette parties and bridal showers? Talk about nerves! For me, having only one wedding attendant took off some of that pressure.

When I got married, my dad would have been the logical person to officiate a non-religious but meaningful ceremony, but I wanted him to walk me down the aisle. Today, I wish with all my heart that my dad were here to officiate my daughter’s also non-religious but meaningful wedding ceremony. (Of course, I’m remembering my dad as he was, not as the 91-year-old he would have been next year. That thought sends me down a whole new rabbit hole.)

I wrote a brief ceremony for the judge who married us to use. In it was a quote from my favorite book, The Little Prince: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” Rebecca and Adam don’t know yet who will officiate their wedding, but perhaps they will also include a sentimental reading, after wordsmithing the vows.

The planning is just beginning, but it will be beautiful and special watching it all play out. My girl and I will have fun planning her storybook wedding. (We’re book people; I had to use that cliché.)