It's a weird season. Time itself has become a strange phenomenon - more relative, more subjective, and both more and less significant. Everything has slowed as we find ourselves collectively and individually stumbling around in the dark, looking for a new normal. Fear and hope can exist at the same time - as can science and spirituality. I just have to hold it all loosely - and if there has ever been a time to hold things loosely, it's right now.
I can decisively and efficiently move through a professional creative project with objectivity and fortitude. A personal creative project? Cue inner turmoil and second-guessing and procrastinating and chaos.
Music has been such a gentle and patient friend for decades now – one of the few spaces where my mind, body, and spirit are fully integrated. Even the language used to describe the artist’s intention for a piece of music also accurately describe the human experience – dynamics, harmony, lines, spaces, tempo, resolution. And dissonance.
As a heart-opener, camel requires a special element of trust, both in the universe and in the self. It demands a willingness to be vulnerable, to bare the throat and let it hang long and loose. It demands a willingness to expose the heart, to set it free and trust it to fly without fleeing the body.
Why do I like to picture myself as tall and why do I perceive that as “better”? What part of my personality reflects a tall image? Perhaps it’s about the clothes (yes). Perhaps it’s about the sense of self I perceive tall women possessing - presence, confidence, authority.
Sometimes I rail against the unfairness of it. Why me? Yet the question remains unanswered, the feeling, unproductive. My choice is to carve some meaning out of what is too far past to change.
I didn’t know about the middle. The middle is tricky – a paradox. The in-between is filled with cognitive dissonance and fluctuating desires.
Fifty is not such a big number, at least when talking about dollars or books or even sit-ups. But in terms of years in a lifetime, it takes on greater significance.