Letting Go and Looking Forward

Letting go and Looking Forward by Silviana Falcon

 I feel honored to share this remarkable moment with all of you. To the class of 2026 – congratulations! Despite unimaginable obstacles over the last couple of years, you made it. While it might be hard to understand right now, everything you have endured has weighed heavier on your parents – because they want your dreams to come true, perhaps, I dare say, even more than you do. But as they witness you standing on the precipice of freedom, they are facing something even scarier – everyday life without you.

It is my goal today to give you and your parents some words of wisdom, and comfort, as you both face an important time of transition and adjustment. 

Therefore, I want to first acknowledge the parents who have spent the last 18 years planning, working, and sacrificing so that you can be here for this moment filled with anticipation and excitement, but also with trepidation. Although as a parent you have practiced over the years releasing them to kindergarten, overnight camps, and sleepovers, it is not the same as the motherlode of all exits – heading off to college.

Parents – today marks the start of a new era. You will go from knowing their friends, schedule, and daily routines to knowing very little through the occasional call, text, or visit. It is possible; perhaps even likely, that you will cry today and other days because it hurts all the way down to your toes. From my own parent experience, I know right now you are enduring a wide range of emotions: you feel a sense of joy, excitement, and tremendous pride all while feeling overwhelmed by anxiety, sadness, and worry. And why would you not feel this way…after all you are leaving your most precious treasure with us. This wonderful individual that you have raised and nurtured to get to this moment is not going home with you today. In fact, this is the start of the time when home becomes a place they visit, not where they live. But just like during other difficult times in our lives, you have to keep moving forward and let go, because that is what your child needs… also the schedule literally reads, “Parents Leave.”

That’s tough, right? Even saying it makes me terribly sad because I get it. I feel it. I have lived it. So, as you leave today, I will offer you three recommendations that helped me move forward: 

 First things first, allow yourself to grieve.

This is hard, and it hurts…it is the kind of pain you feel deep in your stomach, deep in your heart. I’ve done it twice, and I wish I could say it gets easier, but it doesn’t. In fact, it will happen many more times. So, please, give yourself grace as you discover how to honor this growth process and learn new ways to connect with your child. And remember, stalking is tempting but never the right answer. It’s okay to wish they called more but allow them the space they need to navigate their newfound independence. You will adjust and you will be able to see this more clearly as a beginning for both of you and not as an end.

Second, fight your instinct and let them go.

 Engage in doing things that feed your soul, as you learn how to transition from being a full-time parent to an “on-call” parent. You will be moving from being a decision maker and in control of their lives to being a listener and offering alternatives only when asked. Trust that you’ve given your child the tools they need to be on their own. It’s crucial to remember they are here today BECAUSE you did a great job.

And lastly, and perhaps most importantly, have Faith.

I want to share a quick story about my middle son, Riley. During his high school years, he balanced a stellar academic performance with numerous extracurricular activities. My husband and I believed that Riley’s transition to college would be smooth as he had a track record of excellence. …but we were wrong. His first semester was nothing less than a complete disaster. He struggled to keep up academically leading him to question his career choice and worst yet, his intellectual capability.

When he eventually realized that he needed to seek help, the semester was almost over. No matter what he did to get himself back on track, it was simply too late.

He had to develop the courage to share with us his failure. We had to develop our strength to be compassionate and yet firm on expectations. Looking back, there were a couple of things that we all learned…one is that no amount of talking and/or advice on our part would have provided such a powerful lesson as the one he learned on his own, and two…any amount of failure is a key ingredient in the development of courage. Fast forward four years, Riley graduated this past May with a bachelor’s degree in Astro-Physics, and just a couple of weeks ago, he started working for the US Department of Defense. It took him a lot of work and commitment to complete this goal, but he did it.

So have faith in your child and in the values that you instilled in them all these years leading up to college. And don’t forget to raise them up in prayer each day. Trust that our merciful and faithful Savior will continue to guide their paths.

Ok, so I’ve shared with you some recommendations that proved helpful to me, but here is where I want to give you an actual assignment, which I expect you to complete, especially since you are about to have a little free time. I mean, what sort of “professor of the year” would I be if I didn’t provide a meaningful homework assignment, right? It is due by no later than tomorrow at 11:55 PM. 

Here it is, your assignment is to write a letter, yes, with actual pen and paper. Here is your writing prompt to use as an inspiration…are you ready? “when I left you at school today, this is what I wanted to say to you…” and then let the words and emotions flow. Express every word that didn’t quite make it past the lump in your throat and the tears in your eyes today while you were trying to stay strong. Once you complete it, mail it to them, like inside an envelope requiring a postage stamp. I know they will read it more than once every time they need to hear your voice or feel your embrace and reassurance.

 So this has been deep, right? Take a moment to exhale…grieving, letting go, and having faith will come in time.

Okay students, while your parents take a moment to breathe, let’s talk about what’s in store for you. Today you start your journey across the bridge between the present and your future. And because you are making this journey during one of the most pivotal moments in human history, it comes with great expectations. I, for one, trust that you will not only live up to them, but you will exceed them. The world is breathlessly waiting for your generation to cure previously incurable and not yet known diseases, tackle overwhelming challenges like climate change, show us how to live peacefully as one people on this extraordinarily beautiful planet, and lead humanity’s journey of deep space exploration and discovery. No pressure, right?

You are going to grow, change, and mature in ways you cannot comprehend now, and that is the whole purpose of college. So, as I started thinking about the most important advice to impart, I found the list was unreasonably long, so instead I will share with you what not to do, and why.

One: Don’t just select a career because you have been told you would be good at it.

We are living in a particularly challenging world and the future is unknown. It is possible the dream job you choose today may not exist four years from now, so devote your time to discovering your passion and mastering skills related to it. Learning how to shift your trajectory is something that is helpful to learn now because it will become a theme throughout the rest of your life. The more you can open yourself up to new ideas and passions now, the more well-rounded you will become, and the easier it will be to find a career that not only compensates you well for your work but also makes you happy. This is probably the only chance you will have where you can afford to test out different areas of interest and not just become stagnant doing what you think you should because that’s the major you chose. Focus on developing a variety of skills and becoming resilient, which is arguably the most important trait you need in any career, and in life.

Two: Don’t second guess yourself when the going gets tough.

I promise that most things are not going to go as you envisioned. The journey you begin today will not be easy. It will require courage. Believe it or not, you will miss home, and I guess that is a good thing because it is a sign that you lived in a home worth missing. Also, you may shrink everything doing laundry, you may not get an A in the class you thought you would, you may fail a class, you may not like your roommate, or you may stay up too late and not hear your alarm the following morning and be late to or miss class altogether. And it will feel terrible, as change often does. But I also promise you this, you will become a whiz at doing laundry, you will take control and learn to manage your time effectively, you will find your tribe, and you will rediscover the sweetness of naps.

And three: Don’t waste away the best four years of your life 

Load your plate with as many academic, athletic, cultural, and social offerings as you can. These are indeed the best years of your life, but you must make them so….how?

Well, I cannot underscore enough the importance of attending class and being an active participant in your educational journey. Your days of being a passive learner, sitting in the back, and taking notes are over. We expect you to do the heavy lifting, participate, and ask questions. 

Remember Riley? He told me to make sure and tell you to be humble enough to ask for and accept help, even when you think you don’t need it. There are so many resources available to you – go get acquainted with what is available early in the semester so you know how to access help when you need it.

It’s impossible for someone your age to truly understand how fast time flies, but someday you will look back and wish you had made the most of every opportunity. Of course, studying and learning different perspectives from which to make sense of the world is critically important but so is meeting people and learning from their experiences as well. Doing so will help you become an active member of the college community, which will not only expand your circle of friends and give you a welcome break from academics but will also help you learn how to become a good friend; someone who can be trusted and depended upon. In other words, learn to be the person that cares about others.

Last but foremost, know that you have very powerful allies, and they are hiding in plain sight. Can you tell who they are? Your best allies are your professors. Aside from being lecturers, professionals, intellectuals, researchers, artists, writers, parents, and more, we are here because our passion is to educate the next generation of leaders who will make a positive and consequential impact on society. These creative and altruistic humans devote time and energy to help you achieve things you never thought possible. If you accept guidance from your professors and support each other, you will not only survive the next four years, you will thrive.  

I want to wrap up with a quick story. 

This is a true story of a young woman who was raised in a traditional family that loved and supported her very much. Despite that, her family did not believe in her dreams of becoming a pilot or a physician, and they advised her to pursue less demanding intellectual professional roles. She took their advice to heart, and it wasn’t until attending Florida Southern College as an international student that she truly realized she could be anything she chose to be. Here, she was mentored by great professors who encouraged her to think bigger, look inside herself, and believe in her God-given purpose. She was able to recognize that sometimes, the people closest to us, can underestimate our ability to succeed. This student went on to obtain two Master’s Degrees, and a Doctoral Degree, manage a large hospital including medical staff and control a 50 million dollar budget. She also became the second woman in the state of Florida to hold a residential building license. I share this powerful success story because that student is me.

When I reflect on my personal and professional journey, I accept that although it took a lot of work, sacrifice, and commitment, I wouldn’t have taken the leap of faith if it had not been for my professors.

It is my hope that my story is an inspiration to you because you also have it within you to be absolutely anything you choose to be. You will find other allies in the future, of that I am sure, but for the next four years, your professors here at Florida Southern will do everything in our power to lift you up, guide you, support you, and tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. We will help you, little by little, to develop the courage it takes to stand up for yourself and then stand up for somebody else.

So as you take this huge leap of faith toward your future, stand tall, be brave, and enjoy every moment, knowing that you have the support of your family, your new classmates, and your professors behind you every step of the way.